


a pocket full of forget-me-nots

by transclawed



Series: silent the sound as i come back around [3]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Manipulation, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 10:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21053051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transclawed/pseuds/transclawed
Summary: a timeline where nathan doesnt know jefferson as anything more than his teacher, until the night rachel amber dies. nathan tries to remember what he can.





	a pocket full of forget-me-nots

**Author's Note:**

> not the same nathan ive written about before but just another timeline!

he remembers the night rachel amber dies. he tries to call it, in his head, the night he killed rachel amber, but he cant. he remembers it in flashes, as cliche as that sounds. rachel, taking him to the junkyard, and he followed after a smile and a promise of a drink. he was supposed to turn in an assignment to mr. jefferson, but fuck that. the guy was nice, and nathan almost liked him, but rachel was here, now. one of the few people in arcadia bay who didnt care he was a prescott, didnt care about his family's money. she'd asked him for some before, but it was small, a meal here, pick up some drinks, mind paying the overdue library book fees, nathan? things a friend would ask.

sure, he was the one she came to to get hooked up sometimes, but he knew she had other ways of getting that high. he never asked, never considered it important. they were friends, but casual ones. she wasnt like victoria, and if he had to choose between them, he'd never hesitate in choosing vic. but rachel was here, with him in this junkyard, and she was offering him a bottle with a smile. he gives her a genuine smile in return. he knows she's not perfect, and he doesnt know what her secret is but it comforts him, watching her change to fit her company. at least he wasn't the only one pretending, or whatever it was called, code-switching or something. it was only later that jefferson called her a 'chameleon,' but it was absolutely true. nathan took a long drink from the bottle, feeling the familiar burn start up, and rachel sips at her own. its nice, and he can relax with her like he can with no one, besides vic. he leans in to press his lips against hers, and its a moment of warmth before his phone startles him, vibrating in his pocket with a call. in a huff, nathan presses the screen without even looking at who the hell is calling him this late.

"what the fuck do you want, asshole? im busy. call during business hours, which are fucking never."  
a chuckle on the other end surprises him, and he pauses, glaring at the ground.  
"its okay, nathan, i was just wondering if you were going to turn in your assignment tonight, thats all. im surprised to hear you're busy, considering theres no vortext club party coming up."  
theres a question in there, and nathan lets out a short angry huff, though its mostly for show.  
"yeah, well some of us have lives, jefferson. unless you've got booze to offer, dont fuckin worry about my assignment, ill turn it in whenever the hell i please."  
he's about to hang up when he hears, "i could bring a bottle if you turn it in today. wont tell anyone, i promise."  
nathan snorts, putting the phone to his ear and wondering why he doesnt just hang up and get back to rachel, who's plenty distracted by now with her own phone and drink, but here he is.  
"you're a teacher. why the fuck would you give me alcohol, trying to prove you're not as much of a hard-ass as everyone thinks? im not stupid. i know you want something from me, and if its money, i dont have any. feel free to talk to my dad though, im sure he'll love you and your perfect career."  
a pause and another soft chuckle makes the rage in his blood start to heat up.  
"nathan. i just want you to hand in your assignment, thats all. you have so much potential, id hate to see it wasted. ive got a bottle of whiskey, brought it back with me from my travels. if you're still not interested, i wont bother you again. but its pretty good."  
he can hear the smile in his voice, and for some reason that makes him want to crush the phone in his hand and forget about everything, but the whiskey is honestly tempting. he covers the phone with his free hand, giving rachel a nod to come closer.  
"you in a mood for whiskey tonight? mr. fucking jefferson offered, so he probably wants something from me, but hey, its still supposedly free. what do we think?"  
rachel seems still distracted as her phone dings, but at the name her face brightens, and another flash of teeth warms nathan.  
"oh my god, yeah! he's pretty different for a teacher, right?"  
nathan snorts, agreeing, before bringing the phone up to the side of his face again.  
"junkyard, now. im here with rachel, so if you try some weird shit, ill have a witness. you hand over the booze, ill give you the stupid picture, then i want you gone. got it?"  
he could almost swear he hears an abrupt intake of breath, before a composed laugh answers him.  
"yes, nathan, i understand. ill be seeing you soon."  
nathan doesnt bother with goodbyes, and hangs up, laughing. so fucking weird. but he's never been one to say no to a free drink, and any strings attached are always taken care of as soon as he says his name.

when he hands in some bullshit photo he took weeks ago, he doesn't feel the slightest bit guilty. a shitty assignment turned in to a shitty excuse for an adult and teacher, so it evens out, as far as he's concerned. and he and rachel get free booze, what's to complain about that?  
jefferson turns up in about 15 minutes, and nathan is still genuinely surprised that it hadn't been bullshit over the phone. jefferson had left his car parked, heading over to the front of the junkyard where the two could see the top of his head, looking around until he heard them laughing, and made his way over. rachel giggles even harder when he shows up, and nathan feels left out of the joke, but decided not to dwell. he's here to have a good time, and thats it.  
"you two look like you're having fun. i cant say this place would be my first choice to hang out, but have no fear, tetanus is probably somewhere near."  
jefferson, in his stupid suit with his stupid glasses, steps closer to the two of them, a full, shiny new bottle of something sloshing around in one hand. nathan, cursing to himself, ransacks his own bag until he comes up with a photo, slightly crumpled on one end, and offers it in his teacher's general direction.  
"better not be bullshitting, jefferson. otherwise ill just drop your class, talent or no whatthefuckever talent i apparently have, according to you."  
rachel cant hold back a surprised chuckle, looking at them both with amused eyes. she'd never seen the two interact before, though, she couldnt say this was a surprise. jefferson gives her a small, crooked smile back, before turning his attention to nathan and the photo. he looks it over, sighs, with apparent disappointment, and simply hands nathan the bottle, who nearly drops it, with a raised eyebrow.  
"you know what? i like you. you didnt lie to me. smart move, old man. now shove off, yeah? kinda killing the vibe."  
he nods his head at rachel, who just gives them both an impish wink, seemingly content to stay quiet for once. jefferson nods at him, staring for a moment with a strange expression nathan cant quite place. then, before it gets too strange, with a wave, he starts walking back to his car, studying the photo in his hands intently. as soon as he's out of sight, nathan turns fully back to rachel, snorting.  
"well that was the easiest way ive ever gotten a drink. you want some first?"  
rachel takes it from him reverently, careful not to drop it, and sets it down on a nearby rusted table that still somehow stands strong.  
"wow, nathan prescott, what a gentleman... im honored to have the first sip. what shall we drink to, oh great sir?"  
nathan thinks for a moment, tapping his original drink with worried fingers before he raises it in a mock toast.  
"to leaving shitty parents behind, my lady."  
he grins, a little something cracked and broken there, but rachel nods, raising her drink to clink the glass together, responding with her own slightly damaged, sideways grin. they made a fair pair, despite all their differences. no wonder nathan liked her so much, felt comfortable. she got it. maybe not everything, sure, of course, but enough.  
"id say theres nothing better to drink to in the world. or better company."  
she gave him another wink, before taking a hefty chug from jefferson's whiskey, nathan following hastily with his own impromptu chug. they took turns switching drinks, laughing, talking, making out occasionally. when rachel got too handsy, nathan pushed her away playfully but still getting some space, excusing himself with, "im not drunk enough for this."  
rachel kissed the side of her bottle before handing it over, smirking.  
"then lets get there, nate. or are you suddenly too chickenshit. did mark scare you, huh?"  
nathan rolled his eyes, taking a particularly long drink to prove a point, before poking at her to drive his point home.  
"ive never been less scared of an old man in my life! he practically needs to hit the retirement homes here, not the schools. and im not chickenshit, rachel amber. i can do anything i fuckin' want. just like you. you just.. you make me feel normal. how do you do that?"  
what had started off as playful banter trailed off, as nathan's expression softened into something more... genuine. rachel took a sip, swishing it around her bottle as if it was fancy wine, before she answered.  
"because you are normal, nathan. or, as normal as you want to be. fuck your parents, you arent them. you're you. just takes someone as amazing as me to see it."  
she was grinning by the end of her words, and so was nathan, who took a sip, and let his bittersweet smile turn into something just a bit more carefree.  
"sentimental loser. but you might have a point somewhere in there."  
rachel mock punched his shoulder, laughing, and its a nice night. nathan remembers thinking, maybe she's right. maybe he can do something. get away, drop the family bullshit, like kris. he misses her more than he ever tells her, that's for sure. rachel soon distracts him from 'all that shit that you think about that makes you sad, forget it. all of it! live in the moment, nate! live like its the last night of your life, and you wont regret shit. now fucking kiss me or ill kick your ass!' and then, everything seems to go.... dim. thats all nathan can remember until he wakes up.

the ground is very, very cold. thats the first thing he notices, when he cant even open his eyes. its so cold against his skin that he feels the chill down to his bones, and when he tries to sit up, groan, complain, theres nothing. its cold, and dark, and quiet, and he cant move.

its like he doesnt exist.

he wonders for a split second if this is when one of the other nathans die, or maybe a lot of them do, before he shuts that door and locks it tight. stop being fucking crazy for once in your life, idiot. you're just... having sleep paralysis. yeah, thats all. even if its different from literally every other time you've had it. its fine. just breathe, asshole. you'll get out of it eventually.

after almost an hour, nathan is able to open his eyes, and groan quietly to himself. he hears something rustling behind him, and if he could move, he'd be absolutely rigid with fear. god, you're so fucking stupid. you know this isnt real. you should be over this.

the rustling turns into heavy footsteps on heavy, packed earth, coming closer and closer until they're right in front of his face. the shoes look vaguely familiar, but its only when the figure kneels to get a better look at him that that he recognizes who it is. what the fuck?

"why, nathan, i didnt know you were such a trooper! you really had me worried there for a moment. can you move?"

nathan could only manage a confused, annoyed whine, and so far, all he could move were his eyes and hands. mark jefferson sighed in sympathy, before sitting nathan's motionless body up, against some old wooden box that looked horribly moldy at best and actively rotting away at worst. nathan could feel his mouth tremble when he tried to ask what the hell was going on, so maybe it was wearing off, whatever kind of freaky sleep paralysis this shit was. maybe he just had to keep his ass calm, and it would fuck right off after a minute or something. so he would wait, and jefferson seemed to have wandered off somewhere, so he'd just... wait. and then ask him what the hell he was doing back here.

all nathan saw, at first, was a few mounds of dirt. it didnt seem strange, considering they were outside in a junkyard, but then his brain kicked in. those hadnt been there earlier. it was still the early hours of the morning, he guessed, but where rachel had gone and why he was left passed out here, and what his teacher was doing here? he didnt have a fucking clue. still, his patience was rewarded, and soon, he had control over his head and hands, and feet again. god, so fucking weird. he cleared his throat, calling out loudly with as much essence of angry whiny brat he could muster.  
"where the FUCK did you go, rachel? didnt peg you the type to kiss n' tell, or like, kiss and leave passed out in the junkyard, more like. what the hell, amber? fuckin, jefferson, you here?"  
his voice quieted, and more to himself than to anyone here, he muttered,  
"or maybe im just seeing crazy shit again. fuck."  
a now somewhat familiar set of footsteps drew near him again, and jefferson was actually there, looming above him with an unreadable expression. he kneels for a second time, looking at nathan intently before speaking in a quiet, calm voice.  
"nathan, i need you to tell me what you remember from after i left. whats the last thing you remember?"  
nathan rolled his eyes, before squinting at him in suspicion.  
"what fuckin difference does it make? we drank, what'd you think? and then apparently rachel went and left me here like an asshole, end of story, capiche? now tell me what the hell YOU'RE doing here."  
jefferson tilted his head, clearly confused, before pulling out his phone and pulling something up, holding it up for nathan to see.  
"you sent me this, at around 2 am. considering you are both my students, and that i knew you had been drinking, i.. i was worried, so i came to make sure you were both okay."  
it takes a minute for nathan's eyes to focus on the small screen, but when he does, he can clearly read a few messages, sent from his number.  
'i fucked up oh fuck i fucked up plesse help me i'  
the next, sent immediately after:  
'she's not wakign up please idont knoe what to fuck fuck fuckfuck pleas'  
jefferson had responded with,  
'are you two still at the junkyard? are you both alright, nathan?'  
theres roughly a ten minute gap before the last message, that simply reads,  
'im on my way. be seeing you soon.'  
he shakes his head, disbelieving. no, no he didnt send those. he would remember. he should. fuck.  
"i dont remember that. where's my phone?"  
he suddenly realized he could move, albeit his limbs were shaky and slow, so he felt around his pockets and the ground, coming up empty. fuck. jefferson put a hand in his shoulder, which he immediately jerked away from, looking up to give him a sneer before he saw his phone in his teacher's hand, being offered. he snatched it and held it close, feeling weird. why the hell would he have texted jefferson, of all people, if something had happened? why not victoria, or even hayden? okay, take deep breaths, you're okay. this is weird as fuck, but make sure they were really sent from your phone. as soon as he unlocked it, a monochrome photo popped up, apparently the last thing he'd opened. he nearly dropped his phone as he processed it, what the fuck, face going pale and his shaky hands dropping the phone.  
rachel, on the ground. spittle around her lips, eyes half-open and unfocused. gone. he hated how much it mirrored his usual photography, but he wouldn't.. he wouldnt do this. he would never do this. it had to be some, some awful, horrible joke. maybe that's what the look shared by rachel and jefferson earlier was, they'd come up with this together, just to fuck with him. he picked the phone up, with his fingers as if it was a delicate, breakable thing, and flipped it over on the ground so he wouldnt drop it again, and stared at the photo. his stomach twisted, and he had to pull himself away, find something to vomit behind, not caring if jefferson saw the picture.  
oh, yeah. fuck. mr jefferson was here, with him, probably seeing the photo and oh god. oh, fuck fuck fuck, he was probably going to call the cops, he was probably going to call nathan's FATHER, and that almost made him hurl again. no. that couldnt happen. he turned back, trembling, dreading what he would see on jefferson's face now.  
"hey. nathan, its alright. im not going to hurt you. okay? i just came because i was worried about you."  
how was jefferson looking at him like that? he had, he had done something, something bad to rachel, he didn't know what but whatever it was he was a MONSTER and here jefferson was, gazing at him with.... with worry. with reassurance. what the fuck.  
"you're not... not gonna call my dad?"  
nathan knew how pathatic he sounded, almost on the verge of tears, but he had to know. had to brace himself, had to-  
"no, nathan. i wouldnt do that to you. believe me, ive met your father, and i wouldnt wish him on anyone."  
his hand was on nathan's shoulder again, and this time he leaned into it, desperately trying to understand. he had to be lying. but the warmth of his teacher's hand reminded him with a sickening familiarity of someone with a blue feather earring, and he tried to calm his breath. he could take his father if only she was okay. fuck. what the fuck was happening.  
"w-wheres rachel? what did i- what happened?"  
jefferson gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, looking almost sad.  
"nathan, when i got here, she.. rachel was dead. alcohol poisoning or drug use, im not sure, but she... she was dead, and you nearly the same."  
theres a pause, and nathan feels like he's going to pass out, his insides squirming like eels and he shrinks into himself, as if he could turn into nothing and escape these words that mr jefferson was telling him. but then he continues, and all nathan can do is listen, eyes wide and pleading. please, no. please, that cant be right. i couldnt have done that.  
"i would've brought you to a hospital but i didnt want you to get in trouble with your father, so i thought i would.. wait it out. how are you feeling?"  
nathan lets out a strangled laugh at that, looking away, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his cheek on them.  
"who fuckin' cares how i feel? i didnt... i couldnt do this. not to her. not to rachel. she's.. she cant. she can't be dead."  
his voice breaks on the last word, and he can almost swear he sees jefferson smile out of the corner of his eye, but no, that cant be right. he blinks, trying to clear the gathering tears, and yes, see, he's not smiling.  
"nathan. it matters to me. i couldnt help rachel but at least i can help you. you have to let me help you. im asking you to."  
nathan shrugs, but he cant deny the guilt at the prospect of refusing, not when he looks up and sees the worry in jefferson's face. the intensity is almost overwhelming, and he has to look away, but he feels just a little bit better. jefferson cares, for some reason. its hard not to think it might be in hopes for a reward, but he shoves those thoughts away.  
"i... i feel sick. couldnt move for a long time. uh, im cold, i guess,"  
he mumbles, with a shrug. the hand at his shoulder moves to his jaw, tilts his head up gently, so that hes looking his teacher in the face, and he doesnt fight it. jefferson studies him, before nodding, and letting go as he stands, offering the same hand. nathan shivers at the loss of contact, but he takes the hand and pulls himself to his feet, wobbly on exhausted muscles.  
"whoah there. lets get you to the car, okay? get you warmed up. do you think you can do that?"  
nathan almost cant stand the kindness in his voice, and he grits his teeth, everything in him screaming that this is a trick, its a manipulation, maybe even his father's involved somehow, but he shuts that part of him down. he cant afford to think that right now, he just.. cant. he nods, eyes still on the ground, and nearly falls as his knees betray him after just a few steps. warm arms catch him immediately, and as jefferson sets him back on his feet, one of the arms stays around him, under his own arms, keeping him upright. the contact makes his stomach roil with confusion but nathan knows he cant make it without it, so he doesnt pull away. he can feel jefferson's breath on the back of his neck, and it makes his skin crawl, hands beginning to shake as they reach the car. as soon as the door is open, he drops into it like a ragdoll, before tensing up and shooting a glance at jefferson like a cornered animal. the other just withdraws his hands, holding them up as if in peace, before reaching past him, and for a moment nathan almost grabs him. his fingers ache to dig in, to cause pain, to make him leave, but he hears a click and sudden warmth washes over him. oh. he turned on the heat. nathan almost feels guilty for wanting to hurt him, but not quite. not just yet.  
"you stay here, warm up, okay? ill be right back, i promise."  
jefferson gives him a reassuring nod, before shutting the car door, and nathan watches him return to the junkyard. only now can he let out the breathe he'd been holding, not even sure himself for how long. calm the fuck down, you freak. its your teacher, not someone else. he's never done anything to you, he even came because he was worried. he's helping you. relax.  
nathan spends the next few minutes uncurling his clenched fists, his freezing toes, trying to take deep breaths to untense his chest. the heat of the car definitely helps, and soon, he's even sitting up, peering out the window in search of movement. what was taking jefferson so long? he's so distracted by the absence of anything moving, that the sound of the driver's side door opening makes him jump, hand going to the door handle before a hand settles on his other shoulder, making him freeze again.  
"hey, its just me. i just wanted to make sure you didnt leave this,"  
and jefferson is pushing nathan's phone at him again, who takes it without a word, just nodding. when the hand pulls away, nathan almost follows it, but then jefferson is getting into his seat and the moment is gone. for a few seconds they simply sit in silence, before nathan clears his throat, sounding timid and uncertain.  
"so. uh, you can just. drop me off at my down, i guess."  
his teacher gives him a funny look, as if he'd said something ridiculous.  
"nathan, its almost 5 in the morning. i cant just let you go off on your own, even at the school. we don't know if you're okay, what happened to you. if i left you there and something happened, i... i wouldn't forgive myself."  
theres a strain in his voice, as if he cant even stand the idea, and nathan cant disagree, not if it would affect the man this deeply. and he was starting to feel the exhaustion creeping in, and he fought a yawn as he replied.  
"okay, uh, i.. i dont really have anywhere else to go. i cant go home. i wont."  
his voice is sharp by the end, and jefferson nods, understanding. he seems to debate something within himself for a moment, before turning a bit to face nathan more directly.  
"ill take you to my place. you can get some rest, and ill be able to keep an eye on you, make sure nothing else happens. is that alright with you, nathan?"  
nathan frowns, trying to think, but its like his brain is filled with a haze, but he figures he should say something, right?  
"uh. yeah. okay."  
his words are slow and stupid, but even so he cant miss the small smile that surfaces on jefferson's face as he turns away, and starts driving. its because he cares and he's happy to help us, his brain supplies, though even now it still seems too good to be true. nathan is asleep before he can come up with an argument, cheek against the warm black leather of mr jefferson's car. the quiet sound of a camera shutter doesnt manage to wake him up, even when the flash goes off.


End file.
